Guilt & Freefalls
by court4short
Summary: Alice helps Jasper deal with the guilt he suffers after nearly attacking Bella in New Moon.


**Disclaimer: These characters are not mine, I just play with them like little puppets. :D I've been writing a series of random drabblets in an attempt to dust off any writing ability that I have left. So if these seem random...it's cause they were meant to be that way!**

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Alice hadn't wanted to interrupt him. She knew that he had needed his space and that talking to him would only reopen the wound that he had been trying so hard to seal. And yet, somehow she knew him better than he knew himself and was convinced that he needed to verbalize the self-blame. Until someone forcibly caused him to break and speak about it, he would forever be convinced that what had happened was his fault.

She didn't need to knock because it was unnecessary. Surely, he had felt her hesitation rolling off of her in waves outside of the door, but he had made no move to welcome her in. Biting her bottom lip, Alice gathered the courage and brought her fist to knock as gently on the door as she could possibly manage. Waiting for him to tell her to come in would have been pointless, so she cautiously pushed the door open and slid into the library that was in the middle of the Denali home.

It was a flashy room, with floor to ceiling, wall to wall book shelves filled to the brim with contemporary and classic literature alike. The room was immaculate, not a speck of dust anywhere. Of course, Alice expected no less from the female clan. Though she suspected that the pieces were rarely used and that the spines would crack with relief at being opened. They would sigh at being stretched.

Sunlight filtered through the windows, showing the sun coming in from the East. Jasper didn't bother with any of the other lighting, forcing himself to be dependent on the natural light that shifted around the many pieces of furniture.

Finally, when her eyes had finished trailing over the inanimate objects in the room, they stopped on Jasper's rigid form, sitting on the piano bench which was placed in the middle of the room. She didn't say anything at first, but merely watched as his fingers ghosted over the ivory keys. There was the occasional struck cord, but it lacked the passion behind Edward's usual playing. The playing that they hadn't been fortunate enough to hear for nearly six months.

One single book lay face down beside him on the piano bench, marking a spot that he had obviously been reading only moments before. Locking her hands together behind her back, Alice glided gracefully to the side of the piano, watching as Jasper kept his eyes locked on the keys.

"Did you want to go out today?" she asked quietly, in her sing-song voice. It had been nearly a week since he'd been out hunting and she knew that he was struggling with his hunger. There was absolutely no need for him to torture himself like this. But her question remained unanswered as he tapped another key, the daunting sound vibrated through the room.

"Jasper, you need to hunt, to feed. Stop behaving like this, this instant. There is no blame to be held here. What happened is not your fault, won't you realize that?"

"I am become death, the destroyer of worlds," he murmured, his voice rough and forced due to the battle with his thirst. Alice frowned marginally and glanced closer at the title of the book that lay beside him. _The Swift Years: The Robert Oppenheimer Story_ by Peter Michelmoore. She resisted the urge to tear the books to shred and instead, she lifted it, closed it and set it atop the piano before sitting down beside Jasper.

"I hardly see the comparison between Oppenheimer talking about the atomic bomb, and you having a moment of blood lust, Jasper," she whispered with an unsuspecting scowl.

"Don't you? I believe I can argue that. All of this," he paused, lifting his hand a fraction to motion to the foreign space around them. "It's all because of me." His brow furrowed as if in pain. "If I had better self-control, if I hadn't lunged at Bella, if I hadn't..."

"Those are a whole lot of 'ifs', Jasper. Whether you believe it or not, Edward was going to find any reason to leave eventually. I don't agree with that choice, but it was his to make. You could have had the most self-control of all of us, and he would have found an excuse. You need to stop blaming yourself for what you couldn't help. I don't blame you, Edward doesn't blame you, nor do Carlisle, Esme, Rosalie or Emmett."

"What about Bella?" he asked simply, his fingers hovering over the keys, frozen.

"Jasper," she sighed, feeling her shoulders slump a little for the first time since entering the room. Reaching, she placed her hand out below his, palm-up, before interlocking their fingers together. She grasped tightly and was elated when he gave in, closed his fingers, and clutched her hand back in return. Alice brought their joined hands to her lips and kissed Jasper's knuckles before tucking their hands underneath her chin.

"Bella's going to be fine. In fact, I don't see this lasting much longer. Edward has made the decision to come back, and we'll be back in Forks by the end of this month," she smiled, noticing the torn look on Jasper's face.

"It won't happen again. I won't let it. But, in order to maintain some self control, you have to eat!" she teased, prepared to stand and drag him outside, but not before a sudden and unexpected vision stilled her.

_Standing on the highest cliff overlooking the shore, she decides to throw all caution to the wind and jump off of the precipice. With a storm approaching, the crashing waves could be heard violently crashing into the rocks below._

_Here goes nothing._

_Five. She backed up_

_Four. She steadied herself._

_Three. She took a breath, preparing to hold it._

_Two. She broke into a run._

_One. A flying leap._

"Alice? Alice what is it?" Jasper pleaded with a concerned look as he squeezed her hand tightly. It took her a moment to shake herself out of the vision, but she quickly tried to appear casual as she smiled timidly at Jasper.

"It was nothing. Actually, it was you catching a decent-sized caribou because you are finally going to give in and go hunting this evening," she admitted, cursing herself for the lie. She didn't need to give Jasper more ammo to hurt himself over. The lie was for the best. She would tell him the truth eventually.

But until then, she had a trip to Forks to make. And fast.


End file.
